Searching

There are many different types of abusers, most enjoy causing physical pain, they have to be in control and physical pain not only excites them but aids them to do this by instilling fear of pain, (I am trying to understand and process this too.) Then there's the other part, turning all blame onto the victim so the victim is the one at fault, you made me do it. To get to the children you have to get past the mother (as I was told) how did you do it ? Day after day I have driven myself to the brink searching, disecting and analysing. Its 3.30am and yet again I can't find my peaceful friend Sleep. So here goes, he did it by using Distraction, introducing problems that weren't there thats how I explain it and if need inventing problems. Somewhere along the line I was put inside myself with all my problems, or the problems and distractions of my own life. I hope this is making sense, anyway left inside your own mind, you are the problem. Like one of those tacky ships in a bottle with the cork in it. Am I making sense?. Yes so there I was in a bottle and disconnected with all the problems, which were many but can't talk about that at the moment. So there mother out of the way, now this abuser is  very dangerous . I never knew someone with so much confidence, something I envied so because of my lack of it, it is only now I see the risks he was taking.