It has taken me several weeks to come to terms with the final outcome of our journey along this very cruel road to justice. I could just take a right turn and walk away from it all but that would not be me because I am always my own worst enemy. What drives me many would argue is insanity, I myself do it because I am a mother, these are my children and I see every day the damage that child abuse does. Over two years we waited, 7 preliminary court hearings all manipulated by the defence. Sadly during a time my children were coming to terms with their new lives away from their abuser. The reality and having to share their abuse with the police, the procurator fiscal and of course me. Maybe my anger blinded me to their capability of actually dealing with this undated and abusing procedure of trying to take their abuser to court. I thought ultimately it would help them with their recovery, it was wrong that this happened, he could not do this and walk away from what he had done and of course the fear of what he might do to another child.
Again like the fool I am I encourage them. I trusted the PF and the Justice System to stop this man but as always he was away head of us, over time it became apparent that he had been planning his defence for some time. It shouldn't really of come as a surprise abusers are very clever. Sadly after each prelimary hearing being continued and him getting more and more time it was like a kick in the face to the children and me. I can truly say that it had an immense impact on our mental health. More so for my youngest who began to suffer more and more as time went on. When we left he was still so very young and he had just begun to go through puberty which is hard enough but so traumatic if you have been sexually abused.
They gave us a date even though there were things that the PF had not put in place even 2 weeks before the trail. A floating trail too which meant even though we had a date it might not start on that date, could start the day after or day after that and all this uncertainty affecting my children mentally and showing the amount of empathy the court system has for victims of child abuse . My child was to have a named supporter to sit with him whilst giving evidence and at this date the supporter had not been cleared by the courts, they tell you in the court leaflets you will know what Judge is taking the case but this was completely untrue right up to the trail date we never knew the Judge or even met the Deputy Advocate who was taking our case. Maybe because this trail was never going to happen.
To be continued
Dear friend, in a way I am so glad that as far as the 'trial' is concerned it is over. The outcome is heart breaking, and unjust, for which I have not got any words of comfort,nor would you want any I suspect, they would not be sufficient.
ReplyDeleteI know the hard work of healing is not over, but I hope and believe that with support and the wonderful mother you are, this is possible.
My thoughts and prayers are always with you,and if I can be of any help you know you can call on me.
Love to you all and many hugs.
@sheepfoldcarer
I am coming into this late and don't have time right now to read to catch up. It is a terrible burden you are carrying and I am so sorry for that. I have been down a similar road, not nearly so severe. I will keep reading... Daisy Inthewind/jan neel
ReplyDeleteHello, sorry to hear that Jan and ty for visiting m4j
ReplyDeleteI so know ur pain!! We did exactly the same to make sure my daughters abuser would never do this to anyone else. I searched for many others doing lots of research for the police until we fnally had 4 victims who would come forward. He kept stalling sying he needed more time and eventually it came to court after 3 years of waiting and others co.ing forward. We believed he. Dnt get away in the face of all this evidene!! But he got a 'not proven' verdict!!!!!! After my daughter trying to destoy herself, numeeous suicide attempts - it makes a mockery of a so called 'justice' system. Ita designed to protect the a user - not the victim. That's why I'm setting up Families in Trauma. O I really sympathize with ur pain.
ReplyDeleteDevastated to hear yet another family has been let down by the Justice system,an unbearable experience for the victims and for what, my heart aches for your daughter and for you to, for trauma affects the whole family and you and I know a mother's pain when she has to stand by and watch her child suffer. Please let me know more about family's in trauma. m4j my email iam.mother@yahoo.co.uk
ReplyDeleteMeasuring the benefit one gets from facing and confronting their attacker should not go hand-in-hand with whether a conviction results. Courts don't determine how vaild a complaint is. They only determine whether sufficient evidence exists to secure a conviction.
ReplyDeleteConfronting a perpetrator wins back your power. They stole it. You stand up and reclaim it from them.If as a mother you can embrace this meaningful benefit to the healing process, your child may reap the reward whether there is a conviction or not.
Surely we all hope that the perpetrator will burn in hell for eternity. Unfortunately, the punishment may not be metted out here on earth. What is most important for parents to focus their child on is that standing up against their oppressor and saying "I know who you are, and I know what you did" will help them regain the strength and power that was stolen from them.
I hope so Joyce, your words are much appreciated. M4J
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