It has taken me several weeks to come to terms with the final outcome of our journey along this very cruel road to justice. I could just take a right turn and walk away from it all but that would not be me because I am always my own worst enemy. What drives me many would argue is insanity, I myself do it because I am a mother, these are my children and I see every day the damage that child abuse does. Over two years we waited, 7 preliminary court hearings all manipulated by the defence. Sadly during a time my children were coming to terms with their new lives away from their abuser. The reality and having to share their abuse with the police, the procurator fiscal and of course me. Maybe my anger blinded me to their capability of actually dealing with this undated and abusing procedure of trying to take their abuser to court. I thought ultimately it would help them with their recovery, it was wrong that this happened, he could not do this and walk away from what he had done and of course the fear of what he might do to another child.
Again like the fool I am I encourage them. I trusted the PF and the Justice System to stop this man but as always he was away head of us, over time it became apparent that he had been planning his defence for some time. It shouldn't really of come as a surprise abusers are very clever. Sadly after each prelimary hearing being continued and him getting more and more time it was like a kick in the face to the children and me. I can truly say that it had an immense impact on our mental health. More so for my youngest who began to suffer more and more as time went on. When we left he was still so very young and he had just begun to go through puberty which is hard enough but so traumatic if you have been sexually abused.
They gave us a date even though there were things that the PF had not put in place even 2 weeks before the trail. A floating trail too which meant even though we had a date it might not start on that date, could start the day after or day after that and all this uncertainty affecting my children mentally and showing the amount of empathy the court system has for victims of child abuse . My child was to have a named supporter to sit with him whilst giving evidence and at this date the supporter had not been cleared by the courts, they tell you in the court leaflets you will know what Judge is taking the case but this was completely untrue right up to the trail date we never knew the Judge or even met the Deputy Advocate who was taking our case. Maybe because this trail was never going to happen.
To be continued