We have given everything and done all that has been asked of us, soon we shall stand up in court and break the silence of the most unspeakable abuse. Once we have spoken we can do no more. To the Justice System and to the Jury our ABUSER is now YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!! To my children, Be strong once more, I hear you! I HEAR YOU, I HEAR YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!!!! I AM IN AWE OF YOU, I AM THE LUCKIEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD TO HAVE YOU AS MY CHILDREN. BE BRAVE MY HEROES FOR I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MUM XX
My Child Speaks
and the dark angel gave the white angel a feather from his wing, the only thing to destroy him, could she use it............
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Please Avoid The Road To Justice: Nothing To Say?
Please Avoid The Road To Justice: Nothing To Say?: I guess there is times when I have nothing to say ( unbelievable you might think ) Times when I guess nothing comes out. Limbo is where we...
Nothing To Say?
I guess there is times when I have nothing to say ( unbelievable you might think ) Times when I guess nothing comes out. Limbo is where we are, our lives in the hands of others, a scary thought when you have lost faith in the world. Time will eventually run out and catch us all. I only hope for us there is a future or at least it will bring an end to the emotional turmoil that this long road to justice has inflicted on us.
Monday, 8 August 2011
Guilt
Guilt is visiting me today with a vengeance. Mainly because I had visited a survivors blog where in she blames her mother because she did not see what was happening to her when she was abused. I found it incredibly painful to read. I am at a loss to explain how your child can be abused under your nose. All I can say is that is where the grooming part comes in. As a mother I asked questions, actually I never stopped but I always came up against a brick wall.
Their abuser had an answer for everything. My children too scared to say anything that might give the abuse away and forced to protect the abuser, doctors who think you are an anxious and over protective mother and don't listen to a word you have to say.
In the end I believed that whatever my senses were telling me was all in my head and that I was mentally ill. It was what everyone around was implying. I too am well aware I failed to protect my children and yes I let them down. I live with this and it is unbearable and inexcusable. I will never be able to heal the damage that it has done.
Their abuser had an answer for everything. My children too scared to say anything that might give the abuse away and forced to protect the abuser, doctors who think you are an anxious and over protective mother and don't listen to a word you have to say.
In the end I believed that whatever my senses were telling me was all in my head and that I was mentally ill. It was what everyone around was implying. I too am well aware I failed to protect my children and yes I let them down. I live with this and it is unbearable and inexcusable. I will never be able to heal the damage that it has done.
Friday, 5 August 2011
Emotional Drowning
There is a state or condition in life when your mind is overloaded with pain, not physical pain but a pain so intense it is like emotional drowning. It is very hard to explain this because I have never spoken to another mum who has heard her children speak about physical and sexual abuse. At first as I listened, it was anger the likes of I never imagined I could feel that took over. I made the mistake of trying to help them by letting them talk about the abuse to me, mainly because there was no one else to help.
I tried not to let my anger and pain show. To do this I had to leave anger in the background,only to be overwhelmed with indescribable, unbearable emotional pain that surfaced. In many ways it was easier to deal with the anger and still is but then that only leads you to self destruct. You turn the anger on yourself out of pure frustration of not being able to get your hands on the bastard.
The result of taking on this mammoth task was that literally it almost killed me. I write this to let you know that the lack of help and support when you are in this nightmare is unforgivable. I know I am still raw yet but I also know nothing will ever, ever make me whole again. What is left of me is barely nothing and what is left of my children is frighteningly unknown.
I tried not to let my anger and pain show. To do this I had to leave anger in the background,only to be overwhelmed with indescribable, unbearable emotional pain that surfaced. In many ways it was easier to deal with the anger and still is but then that only leads you to self destruct. You turn the anger on yourself out of pure frustration of not being able to get your hands on the bastard.
The result of taking on this mammoth task was that literally it almost killed me. I write this to let you know that the lack of help and support when you are in this nightmare is unforgivable. I know I am still raw yet but I also know nothing will ever, ever make me whole again. What is left of me is barely nothing and what is left of my children is frighteningly unknown.
To the outside world you would never know if you passed us in the street but we hold our masks tight after all the children use them like second skins, of course they have lived with these masks for a long time.
Monday, 1 August 2011
Empower
Pick up a pen and write what you feel
If your preference is paint then express
With colour and bare your emotions
Pay no attention to those doubting thought
A toddlers scribble can be as valuable
As an old master's painting
We all have something to share and each of us
Has the power to enlighten
You have earnt the right by
Stepping in the footsteps of life
Remember communication is all that matters
Perfection is silent but mistakes speak volumes
Be yourself for I am not a writer
But you are here sharing with me
Reclaim your voice and empower yourself
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